Testimonials that would convince me to buy anything:

(herein referred to simply as “widget”)

by Brad Hines, 4-4-12  

1.) "widget was the thing I needed to finally obtain Maslow’s Self-Actualization."

2.) "Since buying widget  *oooooooh*  I’ve been *OOOOOoooOOOO” Stuck in a perpetual orgasm for four days! "

3.) "Because of Widget, the IRS agrees that I am now tax exempt for life."

Usain Bolt loses 4.) "Widget helped me do a chest thump of mockery as I sprinted past Usain Bolt."

5.) "Widget made my in-laws worship me, toast land butter side up, and babies on planes were silenced safely for good."

6.) "Using Widget, I now successfully levitate off the ground for fun and recreation every day-and no, not in the lame-ass David Blaine-two-inches-off-the-ground kind of way."

7.) "Snooki has been erased from my memory completely-thanks widgetSnooki Dissapears!"

8.) "Sprinkled onto her food, my wife's cooking now makes El Bulli look like Arby’s."

9.) "Thanks to widget, all Arby’s have been closed."

10.) "Widget gave me so much swagger it makes Prince look like a nasa engineer."

11.) "Widget helped me memorize 314 quadrillion digits of pi!"

12.) "With widget I now know who has viewed my Facebook profile-who knew zuckerberg had a thing for me?"

13.) "Widget was the missing piece to my perpetual motion machine, now we're patent pending baby!"

14.) "A widget in the morning and another at night for a week cured my ragging HIV and you would never even know I worked in a gay tattoo parlor all of the 80's!

15.) Widget lowered our households annual carbon footprint to lower than a squirrel farting in the woods.

16.) "Widget made Chuck Norris cry like the little girl none of us knew he secretly was all this time." Chuck Norris Crying

17.) "Each night, widget prays for me automatically, and God can't tell the difference!"

18.) "It's now factually recognized that there is a 3rd certainty in life called Widget."

19.) "Plugged into my TI-83, I now regularly divide by zero like a champ!" divide by zero

20.) "With widget I can now freeze or boil water at whatever temperature I fucking feel like it."

21.) "Widget helped me win my $10,000,000 sexual harassment/fondlement suit against the TSA, plus a really neat framed apology letter. Because of widget , the junk in my trunk will never be punked again."

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Brad Hines YumDomainsAbout the Author: Brad Hines is the president of, the founder of, and an Internet analyst. He is a writer who writes about internet and business trends. He can be followed on Twitter: @BradHines


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