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Things that you really just don't hear:

by Brad Hines, 6-10-12


1.)"I think that’s a bit excessive for a starting salary, why don’t we see how I do first, and then maybe work me up to that."

2.) MMA fighter: "Let’s not have this resort to fisticuffs; we can go talk this over in the breakfast nook."

3.) Retiring MMA fighter to his trainer: "Here, I made us a scrapbook of our times together." Trainer: "AwwwwWWWWuh!"

4.) "The biopsy was benign?" (Slumping shoulders) "I guess some things just weren't meant to be."

5.) Pauley Shore To James Lipton:  “James, my character goes through a decidingly complex arc throughout the entire film, at its resolution, we see him finally deal with that internal dissonance, albeit in a rather bitter sweet fashion. ”





6.) NFL Superbowl, Loosing Teams Captain or Coach: “Hey, we had a really great time, and we’re just glad that no one got hurt. We’re all gonna treat ourselves to the spa tomorrow, we deserve it.”

7.) Little Kids in the back of a minivan on a road trip: “Mom, Dad, we think your patience is above reproach. The trip to McDonald’s was extremely satisfying and very generous of you-how thoughtful of you to remind us to use the bathroom before we left too. As such that highway driving is a tiresome and perilous task, we are going to go to sleep now so as to allow you to concentrate on the driving ahead.”

Arbys Brad Hines8.) “Zagat’s spoke highly of this casual family dining place called Arby’s”




9.) “In all his movies, he truly becomes the role, Keanu Reeves is going to go down as one of the greatest method actors of all time.”Keanu reeves brad hines






10.) Sobbing, dying parent in the hospital to their only child: "If I could go back and do it all over again, I would eat more bran.”

11.) From an emo kid to his friends: "I think we all just need a little discipline and to stop feeling so sorry for ourselves-have any of you guys tried scheduling your day with to-do lists? "






12.) From a whispering audience member watching Madam Butterfly at the New York Met Opera: “Dat the Asian dude be tryna git wit a white girl?”

13.) "That was for being such a bully, next time I’m not gonna help you back into your wheelchair or hook you back up to your oxygen tank either!"




Other Humor pieces you may like:

ghjfg ghjgf Usain Bolt Motivational Speakerby Brad Hines

Some Proposed Facebook "Dislike" Buttons

How to be a motivational speaker (Satire) Testimonials that could convince me to buy anything How to be the next big web startup


Brad Hines About the Author: Brad Hines is the president of, the founder of, and an Internet analyst. He is a writer who writes about internet and business trends. He can be followed on Twitter: @BradHines and Pinterest at: He is seldom heard saying "no, there's already too many websites on the internet, that's a ridiculous idea."


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